Do You Know Your Wife

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in dozens of activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

 

Marriage

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.

That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

 

The Secret of a Successful Marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after."

 

Love, Wealth and Success

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."




"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.


"No", she replied. "He's out."




"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"




"We do not go into a House together," they replied.


"Why is that?" she asked.



One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."


The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"


His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"




Their daughter-in- law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"




"Let us heed our daughter-in- law's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."




Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"




The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"


MY WISH FOR YOU...

-Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.
-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.
-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage.

You have two choices right now:
1. Click this off
2. Invite love by sharing this story with all the people you care about.

I hope you will choose #2. I did.

 

 

The True Meaning of Love

The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story
 

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling. Five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times
 
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. 
 
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face... 

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... 

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...

 

Female Point System (just for fun)

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:

 Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

 Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

 You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

 Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

 Here is a guide to the point system:



 SIMPLE DUTIES

 You make the bed (+1)

 You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

 You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) , In the rain (+8)But return with Beer (-5)

 You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

 You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

 You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

 It's her pet (-10)



 SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

 You stay by her side the entire party (0)

 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy

 (-2)

 Named Rita (-4)

 Rita is a dancer (-6)

 Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)



 HER BIRTHDAY

 You forget her birthday (-50000)

 You take her out to dinner (0)

 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

 Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

 And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)

 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the

 colours of your favourite team (-10)



 A NIGHT OUT

 You take her to a movie (+2)

 You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

 You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

 You take her to a movie you like (-2)

 It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(-15)



 ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

 She asks, 'Do I look fat?' (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

 You hesitate in responding (-10)

 You reply, 'Where?' (-35)

 Any other response (-20)



 COMMUNICATION

 When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks

 like a concerned __ex-pression (0)

 You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

 Now what chance do you have???


 Pass it on to the poor fellows for info & to the gals for a good laugh !

 

Happily Single or Happily Married

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more. - Brother David Steindl-Rast :

Contentment is the key to happiness. If we are contented with what we have or whom we are, we will find true happiness. Success is not the key to happiness but rather happiness is the key to success.

Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you can still feel happy.-H.H. the Dalai Lama:

The process of being happy does not depend on others. You create your own happiness.If you love what you are doing , you will find happiness.

You can be happy as a single as well as being in marriage but I think I rather prefer to be married and being happy because of the joys of a family life and snuggled up in the warm embrace of a loving relationship.

Life is more fulfilling and compassionate when you have children in marriage. It gives meaning to what life is all about . A man who does not marry is like a fruit tree which flowers but bears no fruit.When he grows old, he will be cold ,lonely and living in an empty void.

It is not that they do not want to marry but their expectations are too high or too perfect and no one can live up to their standards or they have not found the right one yet.

If you are single ,be happy and if you are married, be happy too. Being married is full of challenges and if there are no challenges in life, life would not be worth living.